Rachel Kennelly on disability activism, dating, and identifying as a Jewish Dyke
"Dyke was so often a word thrown at us by men who were angry about us being lesbians, and so now I’m like 'Yes, that is what I am, I am that very thing that you were very angry at.'"
H: Let’s start off by having you introduce yourself
R: I'm Rachel Kennelly...I’m in my twenties...I can be anywhere in my twenties that suits me at any time *laughs* and I am a chronically ill Jewish lesbian. I believe my Instagram bio says ‘Disabled Jew Dyke,’ and that's kind of my whole thing.
G: Do you want to talk a little bit about how those identities intersect? Have you always claimed those identities?
I've always claimed my Jewish identity because I was raised Jewish, and I've always been very Jewish. I thought I was going to go to rabbinical school at one point in my life and I was a song leader in high school. I've always been very involved in the Jewish community. The community aspect is one of my favorite parts about being Jewish.
The Dyke identity and lesbianism is a journey for everyone. I first identified as bisexual but turns out I was just a lesbian. I feel bad because bisexuality is real and valid, it just wasn’t what I was experiencing! With lesbianism, it's hard because from a gender or queer theory standpoint, gender and sexuality are different, they are separate distinct categories. But when it comes to my gender and sexuality, I am a lesbian. Which is hard to explain. It’s a very interesting relationship to womanhood and the concept of it, but once I found it it was like ‘Oh, I’m home.’
Disabled and chronically ill was probably the hardest to come to. I really didn't claim it until I was at Reed College in Portland, Oregon, and I was on the Student Senate there and I had trouble getting accommodations with housing because of my health issues. In having lots of conversations with administrators around issues regarding the ADA, I realized, ‘Oh, I guess I am technically disabled.’ It wasn't really until I started learning more about the history of disability rights activism that I was able to undo the internalized ableism within me and realized disabled isn't a dirty word.
H: Can you talk a bit more about your experience with disability?
Being disabled is not a bad thing. I think it's also similar to fatness. Which is not an identity that I claim so much as it's just my body is that. I get to move very seamlessly between my disability being visible and being invisible and the way I am treated differently is crazy.
There are good things and bad things because if I'm walking down the street, it does not matter how hot I look; When I have a cane, I do not get catcalled- which is interesting. I mean I love not being street harassed but also it's like, ‘Oh like you guys don't even see me as a person?’ Then sometimes people will go out of their way to be extra nice to you because they're like, ‘Oh, she's disabled.’ But sometimes yes, I appreciate it when you give up a seat for me because I would feel better for my body if I sat down. And I have a lot of privilege in the context of the disability space being white, and I look like a woman, and my disability isn't always visible so I really see the stark difference.
There’s this weird limbo space where I was using an automated chair at the grocery store one day because I was having a really bad pain day and I knew if I used my energy to walk around the grocery store, I'd have no energy to cook. But also I was still able to stand up to reach something off the shelf, and the glares I got from people! A lot of people's idea of disability is very binary. Like you're either disabled or you're not disabled but it's so much more nuanced than that.
People really shy away from that word and it really bothers me. I'm not “differently-abled,” I am disabled.
G: I'm curious to hear how you feel sexuality relates to disability?
I mean, I'm very lucky. I'm in a very happy long-term relationship with a partner where we are able to find a balance between her being able to provide me care, but I also don't feel like she is like my caretaker. Not that that's a bad thing, but I was less disabled when we met, by which I mean I had a lot more things in my body under control when we met.
There are parts of me that, God forbid something happened to my relationship, has anxiety about the concept of trying to date while disabled. Listening to my friends or other disabled people, and just seeing how people perceive me, it makes you wonder how much you want to disclose while dating? Which again is a privilege to even be able to disclose. If people don't want to date someone because they're disabled it’s ableist but also you're missing out on a lot of hot people.
Also, there is the reality from a sexuality standpoint that sometimes my sexual desire is at odds with my physical ability. I might want to be having sex, but my body is in so much pain that I can’t.
I also think the way my body has been medicalized over the years has made my relationship with my body very different from people who haven't spent as much time in doctor's offices. I am very desensitized to touch and I can sometimes be an over-sharer about what's going on in my body because I have to do that all of the time. It can be hard to feel like a human person because sometimes I just feel like a patient and being a patient, for me, doesn't feel particularly sexy. So I think that component of being poked and prodded can change how you feel about your body.
G: Can you elaborate a bit on what the word Dyke means to you?
Like many other lesbians, there's something about the harshness of the word ‘Dyke’ that I really like. It’s a reclamation of a weaponized word, so there's a power to it, but it’s also a subversion to me. It's like our own version of womanhood, but also not always womanhood. My relationship with Dyke is very tied up in my own feelings about gender where it almost feels like I’m not a woman but I’m not not a woman. It almost feels like this protected womanhood, where I'm a woman to everyone except men. There’s this removing of the male gaze for me.
I do have privilege when it comes to that word because I have always tended towards a more feminine presentation. Dyke was so often a word thrown at us by men who were angry about us being lesbians, and so now I’m like ‘Yes, that is what I am, I am that very thing that you were very angry at.’
H: Shifting gears a bit, you mentioned you’re a ‘computer person,’ and I'm curious generally about what your passions and interests are in life?
It's hard because I feel my ADHD really informs a lot of my passion for trying new things. I am a chronic hobbyist. I've had various hobbies most of which I come back to, but one of my greatest passions is travel. COVID has definitely been a challenge with that. But travel is also so inaccessible and I’m not even in a wheelchair. I think US airlines breaks 29 wheelchairs a day and this disability activist actually just passed away because United Airlines broke her wheelchair and she sustained so many injuries from not being able to use her proper mobility aid...So it’s been hard to reckon with the inaccessibility of this thing that I love. So when I think about the impact I want to have in my life, I really just want to make the world as accessible as possible for people.
I’ve also been chronically online since I was a kid and I just fell in love with computer science. I really love to crochet and cook. I like consuming things in general: be it food, film, art, media, or reading. Like we're all consumers under capitalism, but I'm a consumer in the truest sense of the word.
H: Is there anything that you want to make sure that you talk about in this interview or anything that you want to share that people should know about you?
I don’t know...I'm just trying my best, and I hope everyone else is because that's really all we can do on the earth is try our best. I will make mistakes, but I'm trying hard not to!
I love human-centered design, so I really want to work at the intersection of technology, people, and design. So if anyone is hiring for any tech jobs, I will be graduating in May of 2022.
Rapid Fire
G: What is a recent book that you read that you would recommend someone read?
I'm currently reading Trick Mirror by JIA Tolentino. There’s an essay in it called “Always be Optimizing” and I just feel like everyone should read it, especially women, because it's all about what it means to be the ideal woman.
H: Someone everyone should follow online?
There's a really great disabled sexual educator named Eve, @CrippingUpSex, with IBA and she talks a lot about sex and disability. There aren't enough cute and well-designed mobility aids that don't ruin your outfit, but there’s a great hashtag called #babewithamobilityaid and it’s a lot of hot people out there who are disabled.
G: If you were stranded, what food would you want with you?
If I were stranded on a desert island and I have three food items, it would be egg, potato, and onion, because I think combined you can do mashed potatoes, you can do french fries and I could figure out oil. My ancestors did it at Hanukkah...I can figure it out.
H: What is your favorite thing about yourself?
I like that I'm really ride or die, even for myself. I think I'm like a really good friend and I love really fully. I think I’m a good time... I have good energy. I’m a lot and I know I'm not for everyone, but I've really worked to stop trying to be less for people who think I'm too much because if someone thinks I'm too much, that's far more a reflection of them than it is of me. I don't really feel like being any less.
You can find me on Instagram @RachKennelly and on TikTok @yungbubbe. I mostly post summaries of my month and things about Taylor swift. You can also find me at @UrInternetFriends, but we are on a little bit on Instagram hiatus at the moment, because we both got dogs and I've been at the doctor a lot, but we are still making things.