Turn in C Work

Reflections on creative blocks, out-doing yourself, and the myth that you’re running out of time

Writing about writer’s block has to be a rite of passage (say that ten times fast). Maybe we all convince ourselves that this will be the breakthrough we need. When we haven’t yet arrived at the wisdom of the end of the road, a journal entry on the way will do. Or at least, that’s what I’m hoping. I’ve been struggling to write for what feels like forever now but is more accurately the last few months. It’s not necessarily for lack of ideas (the ideas note on my phone is pretty abundant) but for the feeling that the ideas lack some kind of truth, depth, and honesty. They simply aren’t “enough.”

Pushing through writer’s block to write about writer’s block. THIS is the human condition. Were we meant to be conscious??

This past April we started publishing pieces on lessons learned working on As You Are. It was quickly apparent that these posts were some of our best-performing work and resonated with a lot of our readers and followers on Substack and beyond. I often preach that a bit of affirmation and even delusion (TikTok’s word of the year?) is a positive presence at the start of a new venture. Aren’t we all living dopamine hit to dopamine hit anyways? And yet, sure enough, “I’m glad I wrote” turned into “I have to write” and “What am I going to write next?” Despite the stream of ideas jotted down here and there, I felt (well, feel) frozen.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. A brief stint of posting random thoughts on TikTok landed me a few popular videos (I don’t know what technically counts as popular or viral and I’m not going to look it up, lovingly!) and I noticed how quickly my brain went into production mode. The question of “What’s next?” floated in the back of my head constantly. Thoughts had to be ideas. And ideas had to be great ideas. Despite the short period of time, every YouTube video about creator burnout suddenly made all the sense in the world to me. Even on a small scale, a job well done can easily spiral into debilitating pressure to constantly be at your best. But this feeling isn’t exclusive to social media or the digital world at large. The need to always be bigger and better than your last big, great thing is everywhere. Your next job should be better-paying, more prestigious, and more brag-worthy than your last. Your next apartment shouldn’t be an apartment at all, but instead a starter house you can post about (you know that picture holding up the key that’s so popular?)…perhaps we’ll settle for a luxury building. And it doesn’t stop there. You should be different. Better. Smarter. Hotter. Cooler. More healed (or something). Less serious but also more serious because life is serious business. Speaking of business, you should own one by now, don’t you think? If you’re not, you’re wasting time. And time is precious. So precious that you should be absolutely sprinting to the finish line. Confusing, to say the least.

Like Sisyphus, always be optimizing!

There’s no singular reason for this. Like most things, it’s a special time-honored mix of capitalism, patriarchy, and every phobia and ism that sits on your chest so ever-presently we no longer register it as added pressure. Instead of accepting where we are, we claw towards realities we’ve never lived in and convince ourselves that the next thing we achieve will be “it.” The thing that makes all of the work worth it and smoothes out life’s difficult and awkward edges. And yet, being able to identify where the pressure comes from doesn’t automatically rid you of it.

Slowly, I’m digging myself out from under all of the noise. A culture of nearly impossible expectations of productivity and achievement paired with our constant over-exposure to everyone’s best moments isn’t always the “inspo” we’re pressured to label it as. Oftentimes, in fact, it’s exactly what holds us back from what we’re meant to learn. The creative process isn’t about stumbling upon your best work and ideas, it’s about having the patience and resilience to continue to move towards them.

It’s a shame this line didn’t hit the scene early enough to make it into the Bible

As I imagine is the case for many of us, I create because there’s something in me that needs to be expressed. Most of the time, I feel like I’m in a state of excess: too many thoughts, too many emotions, and far too many opinions. If even for a brief moment in time, words bring a precision and clarity to my mental and emotional world that I don’t find many other places. When I write, I can hear myself. And yet, I’ve found myself waiting for the perfect storm to hit where I feel good enough to do good work. In those moments, I ignore the truth of the matter. Creating is not always about the idea. Frankly, the idea is often one of the least substantive parts of any project. The honesty and depth that we’re looking for is made in the process of doing the work. When you refuse the work and ignore your creative outlets, you’re not just opting out of a finished product, but the discoveries you’re meant to make along the way.

Everyone has ideas. Far fewer people have the stamina to see them through the highs and lows. Not putting out work is a shield to keep yourself from not meeting your own expectations. You can’t fail if you never try. And yet, to our dismay, most of us end up figuring out that we can’t get good at something without being bad first. Life, work, and even passions are an ebb and flow. The goal of it all is not to feel great all of the time but to continue to move through the ups and downs gracefully. Bridging the gap between where you are and where you want to be depends on it.

@mikebirbigliaThis is my favorite piece of advice I’ve ever heard from Ira glass and whenever people ask me for advice, I just repeat his advice. #iraglass #thisamericanlife #advice #bestadvice #workingitoutpodcast

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Today, the process of soldiering through led to finishing this piece. Tomorrow, it may only come as half-baked thoughts and semi-coherent sentences. Both are valuable. What I want more than anything is C-level work, consistently. To create C work, release C work, and champion C work. To be unsure, mildly embarrassed, a little proud, and move on. Every moment, piece of work, idea, etc cannot be excellent. To expect it to be will leave you empty and unfulfilled far more often than it will leave you proud. For now, I’m aiming for completion. I’ll take a C. I’d appreciate a B and an A would be just amazing. Not to hold myself to a lower standard, but to recognize that even “not yet there” leaves me closer than I was before.

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